Offensive Birthday Card Message Ideas

Offensive Birthday Card Message Ideas

Find Philosophical
Turn birthdays into a smart way to express your feelings about the process of getting older. These birthday cards with funny messages are easy and enjoyable.

1. “You’re no longer old. You’ve aged to perfection.”

2. “Statistics reveal that people with the highest number of birthdays have the longest lives.”

3. “Remember that getting old is a requirement, however growing older is an option!”

4. “Age is simply the amount of years that the universe has been having fun with you.”

5. “As you get silver hair and wrinkles, be aware that you’re increasing your wisdom!”

6. “If Jesus were your name, today would be Christmas! Jesus this day is Christmas!”

7. “It’s more beneficial to be on top of the hill instead of under it.”

8. “Another day later is another day to enjoy more cake.”

9. “You are aware of the sayings about candles … more of a wish!”
Senior Citizen Status

Certain things scream “senior citizen,” such as the AARP membership or reverse mortgages, as well as an endless supply of hard candy. Let go of the burden of ageing by laughing at everything that is that are associated with the aging process.

For offensive birthday cards make sure you check out Obscenity Cards.

10. “Here’s an opportunity to continue many rooster turns of the sun. We wish you a long life old and toothless. Jell O is the future’s caviar!”

11. “Even in your advanced age you’re still the greatest person anyone could have as a friend. I’ll have the prune juice ready however.”

12. “Happy birthday to you, my dear! I wish this year to be filled with happiness, depend on prune juice, compress socks.”

13. “Happy birthday! I can smell the Bengay right from the corner of my mouth… It’s a bit scary!”

14. “If someone is calling you old, hit them with a cane and toss the teeth towards them.”

15. “Another year has passed and you’re one step closer to acquiring the Velcro sneakers!”

16. “Remember to take a daily dose of vitamin and supplement with fiber”You are an old fogey!”

17. “You’re officially old. We’re looking forward to writing checks at the shop, doing the NYT crossword by hand and having dinner ready by 5pm to sleep until 9 pm (you’re right 8pm is more likely)! !”
Funny Birthday Card Messages for Birthdays

Make sure to wish the birthday person or family member a fantastic day filled with happiness, love, and all the PUN stuff they’re capable of handling (get it? ).

18. “Turn on the MEWsic and Let’s get him started on his PAWty!”

19. “Here’s an APPEAL to BUTTER for the in the days to come – you deserve to have a day filled with BREAD! I love you.”

20. “Feliz cumpleanos. Happy birthday!”

21. “It you’re celebrating your birthday today, and you BATTER belie it!”

22. “You FETA have a GOUDA birthday.”

23. “What is”your 21st birthday?” It’s your BEER-thday.”

24. “Turning 21… there’s nothing to make wine about.”

25. “Have an amazing birthday. Hope it’s not too cheesy.”

26. “Happy birthday. You’re a part of a MELON.”

27. “A birthday cake as the golf ball. You have to smash it.”

28. “The cat’s gone, you’re one year younger. Hope your birthday leaves you FELINE good!”

29. “It’s the day of your birthday? ALPACA my party cap.”

30. “Wishing you LLAMA celebration to celebrate your Birthday!”

31. “Go, Shawty! You’re on Sherbert Day!”

32. “Have a wonderful birthday!”
Dad Jokes to come to the rescue

What happens when you mix puns and a hilarious birthday joke? A dad joke, DUH! Who doesn’t appreciate funny dad jokes? Include one (or several) of these eye-rolling dad jokes for an emoji on your birthday.

33. “What kind of music would be in danger to use for balloons on birthdays? The music of pop.”

34. “How do they celebrate their birthdays? They love them.”

35. “Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Bacon? Bacon, who? Bacon cake to celebrate you birthday.”

36. “What happens when it goes up, but never decreases? Age.”

37. “Why did the birthday cake turn out to be as solid as an iceberg? It was the size of a marble cake.”

38. “What did one vegetable tell the other one on their birthday? “Hapea Birthday.”

39. “What did the bear’s voice say after blowing out candles for his birthday? There’s no cake for me I’m full!”

40. “What do you think one of the candles said to another candle? Aren’t birthdays a way to make you feel ill?”

41. “Did you know about the huge candles for birthday sales? It was a huge explosion.”

42. “What is the birthday that every birthday ends with? The letter”Y.”

43. “What’s the elf’s most favorite type of cake for a birthday? Shortcake.”

44. “What would you tell an ewe’s female for her birthday? Happy birthday to the ewe!”

45. “What do you buy for a hunter’s birthday? A birthday bird like a pheasant.”

46. “How do raccoons mark their birthdays? They get mangled.”

47. “Why do cats enjoy birthdays? They are a purrrfect animal.”

48. “How can a cat be able to celebrate their birthday? It is by raising the mewsic.”

49. “What is a turtle’s job for a birthday? He’s shelling a brat.”

50. “What did one of the crustaceans say to another to celebrate his birthday? Have a crab-u-lous day!”
Funny Comments about Aging

It’s only a number after all, isn’t it? You are free to poke amusement at the age of someone else and the issues they’ll have to contend with as years progress.

51. “With getting older is the development of new skills. Now you can smile, laugh, cough and even pee simultaneously! But wait… It’s been like this for the last 30 years. We wish you a happy day!”

52. “Don’t forget to dress in your birthday outfit. However, make sure you examine the suit for wrinkles first!”

53. “Happy Birthday! You’re at the point when the fire marshal won’t let us put genuine candles onto your cake!”

54. Happy birthday my sweet babu! I’m amazed that you’re turning 40, and I’m just 21. I hope that you are excited about large red cakes and moisturizing to prevent wrinkles.

55. “You realize you’re old when you’re the only thing you’re concerned about to do is exercise.”

56. “Yes we’ve attained the age where every compliment we receive is followed by ‘for the age’. You’re still stunning… in you age!”

57. “Remember the fact that age only an amount… it’s just one that is really, REALLY very high number in your case!”

58. “Hope you enjoy a fantastic day, filled with glitter and cake, and maybe sleeping in all night (because it’s you’re getting old).”

59. “As you age there are three things that happen. The first is that your memory fades and I’m not able to recall the second and third.”

60. “Happy birthday! Be sure to party hard but not too much I’ve heard that hangovers get worse as you the advancing years.”
Include Inside Jokes

There’s nothing more fun than a sincere than a good inside joke. They tell a lot regarding your connection with the birthday person or girl. They reveal how you’ve gone through the thick and thin and have come out of all of it with laughs with plenty of laughter. Incorporate something personal that just you and your partner have in common – it’s that unique quality that truly hits the spot.

61. “Party loud, however bring another set of underwear this time”

62. “Happy birthday, my dearest friend! I hope you have the most wonderful day of celebration. I’m so excited to see you in the next few months. Love you always.”

63. “Happy birthday best friend! Here’s to another great year that we can laugh about our jokes and dealing with crazy people and keeping one another healthy!”
Comedy About Presents — or the Lack of It

If you didn’t want to send an item of gift … It’s okay since you’re sending them a fabulous Punkpost gift card! It’ll give the person you love the chance to laugh.

64. “Because you are so important to me, I gave you this paper piece that’s cut in two! I would love to have a celebration together, but instead you’ll receive this amazing card. It’s pretty much the exact thing.”

65. “I’m certain we’ll get your… some thing… or something nice. However, in the event we’re not able to come up with it I’m thinking you should take out a credit card.”

66. “They claim that love and friendship is the most wonderful gift that a person could ever receive. This is why I gave you on this birthday!”

67. “You’re an extremely difficult person to find… therefore I didn’t give you something. Happy Birthday!”

68. “Forget everything you know about your past because you can’t alter it. Do not think of the future, because you can’t forecast it. Don’t think about the present, I didn’t buy you one.”
Create It Around You

We do are concerned about our dear ones. We wouldn’t send cards in the first place! To keep it light and fun, make your birthday celebration into a reason to have a celebration.

69. “Happy day to our intelligent, talented incredible, amazing and adorable niece! You clearly aspire to be like your very own aunt Hehe!”

70. “Happy day to my brother, who has the most amazing sister! You’re so blessed! We hope this brings you a laugh and make you smile the rest of your wonderful day!”

71. “Happy birthday, mom! Whatever your life throws at you the best thing you can do is be content that for the fact that you don’t have ugly children. From The Pretty One!”

72. “See I don’t not give a shit! I wish you an amazing birthday! Your sweet best friend.”

73. “Thanks for getting older and wiser. You’ve let me know when to look for wrinkles and gray hair.”

74. “Your birthday is the day we get to go out, eat amazing food, and then party all night. Thanks that you were born!”

75. “Smart nice, attractive and humorous. That’s enough of me. Happy Birthday!”

76. “Let’s make your blood flowing that you believe that it’s my birthday. You’ll be buying me drinks throughout the night.”
Start a Welcoming Committee

If you’re a bit older than your friend tell them what’s ahead for them when they reach the age of old or decade.

77. “Happy 21st birthday MF! Welcome to the Dark Side!”

78. “Welcome to the definitely-in-you-late-20s club! It’s wonderful that you have your 401k and we know what we’d like to achieve in life! SIKE! I’m still unsure of shit and I’ll never be able to have the knowledge!”

79. “Welcome into the 30s. It is the time when people start having babies and body parts hurt without cause Hangovers can last two days, and sleeping at 9 pm is a normal routine at all times, even during weekends. It’s a great time to age!”

80. “Happy birthday!!!! Are you 40?? Welcom to this club! I hope you’ll like Advil as well as night cream. I love you!”

Death Defying

There’s no way to overstate the fact that a year of age is a year closer to dying… Oh my! Add some comedy to the scenario and let them know that you’re grateful to be active and healthy.

81. “If I’m an old person, then you’re definitely old. It’s a fact that I am old due to my wrinkles and gray hairs and organ malfunctions. I wish you an awesome day. It might be your last. …”

82. “Here’s to living on the outside, but losing your life on the inside!”

83. “I’m happy to see that you’re alive! I wish you an amazing day with all your old foes playing golf, or eating red and white meats until you pass away from the disease of the gastrointestinal tract.”

82. “Be careful. Many birthdays could end your life.”

84. “Happy birthday! Don’t die.”

85. “At at least, you’re not nearly as old as you’ll in the next… If you’re able to make it!”

86. “I will cease telling jokes about age on your birthday today… You’ve at a point in your life at which it’s just not funny no more.”

87. “You’ve been around for another year in the sun, and boy am I happy for this. I could not envision my life in the absence of you, so keep going!”

88. “Keep your spirits alive, man. Happy late (but what’s the point of time is it really?) birthday!”
Confetti Fun

Surprise!! It’s an undiscovered CONFETTI BOMB!! Include confetti and one of these messages on any birthday card and make the recipient laugh and then sigh in frustration.

89. “You make life so enjoyable.”

90. “You were aware that confetti was on the way. I hope you have a wonderful birthday!”

91. “We are so happy for you and wish you have a wonderful day! Take your time cleaning the confetti on this card!”
Sassy and Sexy

To celebrate your partner’s birthday Why not make it a little more exciting? These flirty and sexually explicit messages will surely get them in a celebratory mood.”wink, wink”!

92. “I wanted to mail you something sexually attractive, but the mailman forced me to leave the mailbox. This is why I’m sending you a card instead!”

93. “You might be suffering from wrinkles and an age spot of bright red in your nose but you’ve have an a** that is killing. Happy Birthday baby! I cherish you! Love, Your Young Wife.”

94. “Old as a dog, but you’re remain so fabulous! I wish you the best birthday yet , and many more to be to Happy birthday, “old man””

95. “Happy birthday, my dear! I’m throwing a party in my pants, and you’re invited! Hehe!”

96. “I am in love with you to the core of my heart! I’d like to claim my heart however, my butt’s larger. My butt is in love with you!”

97. “It’s your birthday so I’ll blow your horn. Happy Birthday!”

98. “As we age I will cherish you more than ever before. I will be awestruck by your wrinkles and crinkles whenever you smile and look at me with a frown. I will pamper you with my extra fat, loose skin and a sagging stomach! And then a hot kiss like it’s our first. In the end, whether hard or not we’ll make love like it’s the last time we kiss!”

99. “Since this is your day, I’ll keep the lights on.”
Pop Culture

Pop culture references do double duty. They make you sound trendy and up-to-date, but they can also be an archive when you look back within 20 years (because everybody keep their birthday card the same amount of time, don’t you think?). Enjoy a laugh right today and come back in the future!

100. “Happy birthday! Let’s have a party by going to ‘Schittfaced someplace!”

101. “Why Did the angry Jedi take a detour? To reach that dark side! We wish you an amazing birthday!”

102. “For the occasion of your birthday what would you like ‘True crime and wine’. “Happy Birthday!”

103. “Happy day to my most loved Muggle. I love you just like Dobby likes socks!”

Love You Love You, Love You, Hate You Happy Birthday!

It’s a love-hate bond. The annoying little brother who you admire so much. Your most trusted friend who is also a complete nightmare. You love them but you sometimes dislike them. We don’t get it either! However, we wish them a happy Birthday however.

104. “You’re usually a loser all the time, but I love you!”

105. “Your pee stinks however, until they take me down, I’ll continue to cherish you. Happy birthday! I love you, little turd.”

106. “Listen up, punk! It’s been great watching you grow to become an independent young man. Happy 18th birthday!”

107. “Happy day to most disgusting person I’ve ever known. You make me angry all the time. However, I still have affection for you. Enjoy a slice of cake and dance around with on your cake!”

108. “Hope your day is a wonderful day. I am grateful (most often) that I am blessed to call you my sister! I love you!”

109. “Happy birthday to yooooouuuuu! I hope that your birthday is as unique, bizarre and memorable as yours! We cherish you and are grateful that we have sons who is like you!”

110. “You’re quite greasy and I really love you, I think. Your grease will never get out in my affection for you, hehe. Also, you smell as my dog. A bad smell. I love you.”
Vaginal Journey Day of Remembrance

Let’s face it as it is: birthdays are only reminders of the day that someone ripped-roared from their mother’s uterus. Send a birthday card which also pays tribute to the vagina of that mom’s.

111. “Another year since you were able to get out of the vagina! “Happy birthday!”

112. “Happy Vaginal Journey Remembrance Day!”

113. “Happy birthday! Thank you for escaping your mother’s vagina.”

114. “I wish you an amazing day celebrating the 35th anniversary of your vaginal descent!”

115. “Best wishes to celebrate the day that your face touched the vagina of your mother.”
Parents are Getting It On

Ewwwww!! Fun or cringe-worthy? It’s an art of balancing the two! It’s probably best to keep these messages for those know have a great spirit of humor.

116. “Happy Day of Birth! I’m so happy that your parents were able to bring you to.”

117. “So thankful that your parents had it on that day to the late 40’s. There was war everywhere and talk of imminent attack by the Japanese and yet two lovers found some time in bombing operations to meet you.”

118. “I’m grateful that your parents were able to bump into Uglies just 33 years ago. We don’t even know what we’d have done in the absence of you!”

119. “I’m happy that your parents gave you a chance. Imagine what would have happened if they didn’t? I did it and it was one of the worst five seconds of my entire week.”
In the past In The Day

The speed that the world is evolving right today can be stupefying. Do you remember what life was like before the internet? Think back to simpler times.

120. “Happy birthday to those who are old enough to remember how it feels to pee without a phone! Have a wonderful day and a great butthead!”

121. “Do young and funky kids at your age still speak “dope”? When I and your dad were children, we would use words such as ‘wack and “buck wild” and “ridiculavolkoff’. Anyway, I hope you have fun celebrating your birth day and mark it with a stiff beverage… or Kool-aid.”

122. “Happy birthday! As you’re getting old I thought I’d do something a bit more traditional than chatting with you on Snapchat while I go shit.”

123. “May your Facebook page be full of birthday wishes from friends whom you’ve never met or seen for a long time or simply do not care at all about.”

Fun Memories

As with a good inside joke, recalling nostalgic memories of hilarious experiences you’ve had with your birthday girl or boy will surely bring a smile to their face. Let’s have a blast!

124. “Wishing you a very joyful and enjoyable birthday! Do you remember the time when in Greece you believed that olive trees were grapes? We remember hehe. We wish you a wonderful birthday celebration!”

125. “Remember when I went from the home at 13 and you awoke with me, and also a policeman standing on your porch? The time you gave me money (haha Okay, fine… that’s occurred more than once …)?”

126. “Happy birthday! We’re turning 25 this year? We were only in middle school, and Carowinds as well as Chili’s was our favorite places to go haha! Make this the most memorable year ever!”

127. “I’ll never forget the Dodgers game that you went to with us. The person selling tickets from car-to-car and totally exposed his crack as he leant over to speak to the car that was next to us. Ha ha ha ha! I have many memories of you! I hope you have a wonderful birthday!”

Ideas for Birthday Messages for Belated Birthdays

Oops!! You didn’t send your loved ones birthday wishes… it’s a shame! As the saying is Better to be late than never! So , send that late birthday greeting and make use of one of these perfectly acceptable excuses (you’re very welcome! ).

128. “Now when all the birthday wishes of everyone else have gone out of the window Here’s a big message from my side! “Have a wonderful (belated) day!”

129. “I decided that we all love antique collectibles that I let your birthday card ripen slightly to get you to catch up with your older bit! I’m not kidding… this card really isn’t old in the slightest! Haha love ya!”

130. “I realize that this card is old news however, in my age, my memory hasn’t improved to like it used to be. …”

131. “It would be me if my card and gift weren’t late!”
Now send Your Favorite Funny Birthday Messages!

Make a list of cards that makes them smile since, really, isn’t laughter the greatest birthday present of all? It’s as simple as copying and pasting. We’ll write the fun birthday card message and then mail it to you!

Find PhilosophicalTurn birthdays into a smart way to express your feelings about the process of getting older. These birthday cards with funny messages are easy and enjoyable. 1. “You’re no longer old. You’ve aged to perfection.” 2. “Statistics reveal that people with the highest number of birthdays have the longest lives.” 3. “Remember that getting…